A year ago, if you had told me I’d be moving to Thailand, I’d probably laugh in your face.
My entire life has been extremely stable. I grew up in a family that kept me safe, fed, educated, and loved. I fully expected my life to mirror what I perceived my parents’ lives to be – I was going to go to business school, get a stable job, make enough money to be comfortable, and start a family. However, there was always some part deep inside me that knew that I just couldn’t follow this mold.
I went to business school and jumped straight into the corporate world. I was so afraid of falling behind in my career (which I didn’t even have a clear idea of yet), that I accepted one of the first jobs I was offered. I thought I’d only be in that position for a short amount of time, as I was destined to climb right on up that corporate ladder. I was going to make a bunch of money and travel the world!!!
Four years later, I found myself feeling burned out and exasperated with my job. Of course, I had learned and grown more than I could have imagined. I was a team lead for a specialized team now. I had cultivated so many wonderful relationships! I knew this wasn’t something I could do forever, and I felt stuck. I felt like I was going to be stuck here forever, no matter how hard I tried to get out of it. I was just too comfortable in my sub-par life. I was comfortable with going home from my less than ideal job to my home with sub-par relationship, being my sub-par self. This isn’t what younger me would have imagined for myself.
Thankfully, that all was ripped out from under me in January of 2019. For a few different reasons, I was forced to let go of the personal life I had grown so attached to. My first trip to Thailand happened to fall right in the middle of this chaos, and I’m so glad it did.
While I was in Thailand, I realized that I could live there if I wanted to. Nothing and no one was stopping me from up and moving there. A three-year relationship I was in had just abruptly ended, and I was just beginning my grieving process. I wasn’t sure if this desire to live in another country, all the way on the other side of the world, was a result of my shock and grief. However, I couldn’t just ignore this gut feeling. I gave myself a year to think and prepare for this move. Was this me just running away from my problems? Or was it me halting my unfulfilling habits in order to do what I’ve always dreamed?
I’ve decided to stick with the narrative of the latter. Do I sometimes wake up nauseous, wondering what the hell I’ve decided to do? Yes. Am I scared shitless to leave everything I know behind? Oh yeah. Do I regret this decision? Absolutely not. I have spent the last 12 months preparing for this adventure and I’m ready. If I don’t do this now, I’ll regret it forever.
Recently, I was speaking to a friend about how nauseous I was about this change.
Her response was, “Isn’t that how all great adventures start?”